I could hear the debate in my mind, which wasn’t really about my own PhD, but about hers, which she too was trying to finish in difficult circumstances:

It may not be worth it, was a thought I had. When you’re facing something big (she was facing something big) you realise that the PhD isn’t that important. It doesn’t really matter whether you finish the project or not; the title mostly only matters within the narrow confines of academia. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter!

It may not be worth it, was a thought I had. More than two thirds of PhDs go on to find employment outside of academia anyway, and you may not need the title. And of the third that stay, most everyone seems to be stretched to the max, running around trying to get published and tick all the boxes. Although many academics love (parts of) their work, and many can’t see themselves doing anything else, so many are at maximum capacity, which is not necessarily a place you want to be.

It may not be worth it, I might have said. Quitting your PhD may be a wise decision, a courageous decision, and a decision that may work out in your favour in many ways.

But in the end my answer, the personal answer she asked for is unambiguous: it has been more than worth it to finish my PhD, and I can say that to be true even if it wouldn’t have helped me in doing the work I am doing with academics now (which it rather obviously does!).

It has been worth it for me, because it gave me a sense of achievement during a difficult time. I honestly didn’t think it was possible to finish, but I did it, and now it’s done! Finishing the thesis reminded me that I was capable and also that my work over the years had been valuable – even if only to me.

It has been worth it to celebrate the achievement, to not only start but to finish the project and to do so publicly. I could even argue it was worth it just to strut down the aisle at the Covento di San Domenico wearing a robe and hat and kitten heels, with a massive smile on my face, and drink prosecco with my pals afterwards to celebrate the occasion! Maybe that day alone made it worth it.

Fundamentally it was worth it for the simple reason that deep down I had a genuine desire to finish it. I wanted to see the project completed, that’s what it comes down to. I wanted to complete the thoughts I had started thinking and had mulled over for years; to complete the sentences, the arguments, the chapters. There is power in completion, and in this case, completion was for me. It was stimulating, it was exhausting, it was worth it.

When you look at the figures, they suggest that finishing a PhD is definitely worth it: one study shows that 85% of PhDs said that obtaining a PhD had had a positive influence on their career. People with PhDs tend to have the highest rates of employment of any of the professional categories. They earn more than others too. Now, although this is useful information in the sense that it is always good to know that finishing your PhD won’t harm and may enhance your career prospects, these figures say little beyond that blanket statement.

You are the only one who knows what is right for you, and if you would ask me for advice this is what I’d say:

You are capable of finishing your PhD if you desire to do so.

You do not have to finish: quitting your PhD can be a powerful move.

Do not take on academia’s perspective on ‘failure’: it is (they are) misguided.

Finishing your PhD can be an exhilarating experience (especially once it is done!)

What do you think: Is it worth it to finish your PhD?

The passage in Bolker’s book goes as follows:

“There’s another kind of hitting the wall that sometimes happens to thesis writers: you feel an impossible barrier between you and the finish line, the bottom falls out of your hopefulness and ambition, and your spirits border on despair and collapse. I’ve more than once heard someone with less than five percent of her thesis left to write say, ‘I’ve decided not to go on with this project.’ This is a time when the demons can catch up with you, when every one of the internal creatures who got in your way all along decides to gang up on you just this side of the finish, to remind you of all the good reasons why you shouldn’t finish your degree.”

Bolker then goes on to advise to accelerate past this resistance and just get on with it, get it done! Sound advice.

But what if the internal demons gang up on you if you are only say a year or perhaps two in? And what if they turn out not to be bad ugly demons, but friendly ones, with your best interest at heart? What if they are insistently whispering that what you are doing… is not the right thing to be working on, not the right project to spend these years of your life on? What if they are right?

The researcher I was talking to had ‘optimised’ her workday – as in she knew exactly when her best hours of the day were and worked on her PhD during those time slots, she had self-care routines firmly in place – and she was still very much into her research topic. Yet…it wasn’t happening, her chapters weren’t getting written, it was all at a stand-still. And perhaps…that was because she was finding out she didn’t enjoy academic work that much. Maybe there were better things for her to do…

Committing to a PhD is a big decision, but dropping a project halfway in is an even bigger one. Especially because of the connotation of failure. Quitting is failing, isn’t it?

Well, no. It is not. It is a profoundly courageous thing to do. The ‘easy thing’ to do is to just keep plodding along mindlessly, no matter whether all of this is still a good idea.

It can be treacherous territory: there are ups and downs to the PhD process. There will slumps and blues along the way. It is par for the course, and it is best to not get all existential over them. At the same time: if all of it is slump then maybe it is time to reconsider. Sometimes you do have to ponder the big questions.

When you start the PhD there are so many unknowns, and along the way you find out about all sorts of things. Such as whether you are well suited to doing academic work (Do you enjoy the slow, profound, nuanced nature of academic research, does it light you up to get that footnote exactly right, after editing it a hundred times?), whether you enjoy working at your university (perhaps it is just you, quite isolated, working away?), whether the whole setting of the pressures of getting published is something you can work with or may even motivate you to write your papers, or whether you’d just rather not! The same goes for teaching if that’s part of your PhD programme: you cannot know until you try.

In my PhD programme you could quit after year one, with a Masters in Research. Clever idea, because it means that even if you quit the work had not been ‘for nothing’. In theory, that is. In practice it was still a hard decision to make. That ‘failure’ thing again…

There are all sorts of ways to assess whether you should get a PhD. Unless the PhD is a requirement for a next step you want to take (say the possibility of an academic career, or certain positions), I have found a good question to ask is this one: how would I feel if I could drop the entire project?

Disclaimer as above: PhD slumps are normal and natural, so perhaps not torture yourself with this question if you’re going through a difficult stretch. You can and will make it through if you want to. But that is the question: do you want to?

I remember the first time someone asked me why I was doing a PhD. I hadn’t started yet. It was an older lesbian woman in a shady bar wearing a leather jacket who I’d excitedly told I was going to do a PhD. She dropped the big question immediately. ‘Why? Why do you want to so this?’ I have to laugh because I remember my stupid answer. It was: ‘Because I want to show them I can do it.’ She looked at me, shook her head and told me it was the wrong answer. She was completely 100% right and I hang my head in shame. It had something to do with me quite belatedly figuring out I was good at this academic stuff. But yes, wrong reason! In any case, even with the wrong reason for starting I am now glad I did embark on the PhD, and did finish it. Although I sometimes wonder what might have happened if I had changed course mid-way…

As for the researcher I was talking to: she has decided it is time to take some time out to answer the big questions: ‘why, what for, do I really want to do this?’ I wonder what her decision is going to be…

Do you have doubts about your PhD? Would you like to quit? If you would like to talk things over with me check out my coaching page. If you decide to proceed (I am very much cheering you on!!!), the Stress-Free PhD Programme will get you over the finish line…

Once you have started you have to ‘keep going’, or so it seems. Because now it is ‘too late’ to stop. Quitting means failure. You didn’t ‘make it’, and everyone will judge you for it… it won’t look good.

I have a question for you: what if quitting your PhD could be an entirely positive decision? What if there was no shame involved, no sense of failure? What would your decision be, if proceeding or quitting had the same value? What if you could feel good about quitting? What would you do?

Imagine writing a PhD to be like climbing a hill (definitely not a mountain, you can absolutely do this), which has windy trails, and a lot of dead ends which can make you feel a bit (or a lot) disoriented. You know you ‘should’ be going up, but sometimes the path leads you back down. Sometimes you don’t know whether to turn left or right to get to the top, or which side of the hill you are even on anymore. If you’re on the right hill, but took a wrong turn, no worries, you will find a new path. But what if you find out you’re not enjoying this climb, and maybe it is not for you? Social pressure within your institution (people on the same hill) will tell you getting to the top is what matters. And you may tell yourself the same: getting to the top is what matters and you should be much further up the hill by now.

But what if you zoomed out and looked at the bigger landscape. Wouldn’t that change your perspective? Wouldn’t you ask yourself first and foremost: ‘Am I on the right hill?’

Finishing your PhD is a great accomplishment, no question. At the same time, it may not be an accomplishment that adds much value for you. Maybe there are better hills to climb. No time to waste…

If you are thinking: ‘I started it, so I should finish it,’ – that’s a harsh message to give yourself. It reduces the PhD to some sort of race, a test of character. (Many people in universities love this way of thinking.) And if you quit, you fail and you are a loser. Ouch.

What would happen if we take this concept of failure out of it?

What if not finishing the PhD has benefits such as: not spending years of your life on a topic you no longer want to pursue, not spending years of your life in academia if it is not where you want to be, or where you will be able to find a job, no longer forcing yourself to do something you no longer really want to be doing?

What if it allows you to get off the wrong hill? What if life outside of academia is shinier and better? It may well be…

These are possibilities.

Outside of academia, the added value of having a PhD may not be so apparent. It’s shocking, but maybe it doesn’t matter either way (not saying that it doesn’t – it all depends, but it is a question that should be asked, at the very least).

Now, sometimes it is definitely a good idea to finish. Maybe you are already nearly there… The last stretch can be difficult, but it’s so worth it. And difficult stretches are par for the course, so it is wise to factor those in. No need to question everything you are doing, just because you hit a rough patch, or took a ‘wrong’ turn. Also it is fine to finish ‘just because’. No pressure there to have it all figured out.

And of course, finishing the PhD will give you the title, the label of expert in a certain field, professional opportunities perhaps, and a sense of pride (and graduation pics with you wearing a cape…).

No matter what your decision will be, that sense of pride is yours. You have lots to offer, your skills are valuable and your contribution is too. You are allowed to make positive decisions about your life. Changing course is never a failure, it is only a new beginning.

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The setting is bizarre (which I don’t necessarily object to), and it is also incredibly competitive (which is why the economics case is one to pay attention to, as I am seeing other disciplines moving in the same direction). In fact it is so competitive that I heard my boyfriend mutter something along the lines of: “I would not have stood a chance in the current job market. These CVs!” Back home he had more evaluating to do. This time for grants. Again, a similar sentiment: “I’m not so sure my chances would have been as great to get a VIDI grant if I had applied now, compared to ten years ago.” Ouch. The job market is changing. And however much we hate it (and I do believe most academics aren’t too keen on this development, collectively squeezed as they are) you have to somehow work taking into account the present conditions. That or leave, which is increasingly an option to take seriously, especially right after the PhD.

I asked Bas (pictured on the right, waiting for well-deserved best-of-San-Francisco-ramen-noodles after a long day of interviews), as he now is part of the human machinery of academic hiring and judging what he would advise current PhDs and ECRs.

How to prepare if you want to stay in academia?

This is what I’ve distilled from our conversations on the topic:

1. Publications

No surprise here. Publications are a sine qua non. Make sure you have at least one single-authored paper in the mix, and go for quality over quantity. [AD: I remember a conversation with my late supervisor in Florence who was concerned by the CVs with lists and lists of multi-authored papers, often produced without much individual say. To him this heralded the end of the profession. Some of his colleagues rather disagreed, and urged their PhDs to collaborate and ‘pool resources’ so to speak, often including themselves in the mix, at times adding themselves as first author despite little intellectual investment in the work. Depends very much on the field…]

2. Push to the frontier

The PhD and ECR years are an investment to learn all there is to learn about your field, then push to the frontier of knowledge in your field. This is very much a marathon-like pursuit: training, training, training, putting the miles in, rather than having to do with genius or superior intellect. Many academics aren’t exquisitely bright. They do well because they chose their niche well and simply were consistent and kept at it. It doesn’t matter where you start exactly, just get going. Put yourself out there.

3. Beware of ‘lamp post academics’

Imagine I’ve dropped my wallet in a dark little alley at night. Now, where do academics tend to look for the wallet? Right, you’ve guessed it – on the main road where the lamp post is. At least there they can see what is going on! In other words: avoid doing data-driven research. It doesn’t answer any interesting questions. Sure, you may be able to get a publication out of it, and some people manage to build their entire careers on data-driven research, but it’s hardly satisfying and it doesn’t impress. Try to find the wallet in a place you may actually find it, even though it might take some stumbling around in the dark.

4. Develop your idea, make it researchable and convincing

If you’re trying to get a grant for a project there are three things you’ll need to demonstrate:
1. That you’re capable. That you can perform the research proposed.
2. That whatever you are proposing to do is important. You need an idea, and you need to show that that idea will contribute to one of the important debates in the field.
3. You need to convince the evaluation committee their money will be well spent.
Don’t underestimate the second and third part. They are what gives you a competitive edge. Many people are capable, only a sub-set have interesting ideas, and only a small sub-set manage to communicate successfully how exactly the project will be set up. Many academics are great at theorising, but get stuck in the clouds. Don’t be one of them. Tell us why your research is important, and be as specific as you can regarding the details of how research will be carried out, what exactly the grant money will achieve. Many researchers fail to do so. They overestimate the importance of skill and technique and method and get caught up in showing off how clever they are. The main idea and realisation of the project are the more important parts, and is what will make your proposal stand out.

5. Get to know your field

Go to seminars regularly, and contribute. Get to know people. Pay attention. To succeed in academia you need to get involved, to show up, to engage. How does the tribe work? What are the do’s? What are the don’ts? Read between the lines. What are the important debates? What triggers the main discussions? How do people ask questions and how are they answered? Observe and learn. Engaging is an investment in your human capital, and you cannot go without.

Academia is a verb

What I have learned from observing Bas carving out an academic career for himself over the past decade is that academia is very much about doing the work, about getting engaged, about putting yourself and your work out there. Academia is a network of people with ideas, and becoming part of this network is as important as the ideas themselves. Another thing I’ve noticed, and the reason I believe he is doing well is inner drive. Depending on workload and competitiveness in your field inner drive is what will allow and motivate you to continue on the academic trail. You need abundant inner resources to overcome the obstacles and hurdles that are par for the course. Without, academia can be a tough gig, and you may be better off somewhere else…

Which of the above advice speaks to you? Should you focus in on that next publication, rewrite that grant proposal, or spend some more time getting to know people in your field? The inner drive part is addressed in the HappyPhD course. It will give you tools to uncover it, and help you work with ‘effortless effort’. As always, if you like this post, could you share it? I appreciate it!

The best advice of the book – and I add some of my own:

1. The Myth of ‘The Work of the Mind’ or: Face Reality

I was so impressed with the outraged swearing bits, and I think it’s best to start there, as I believe it goes straight to the heart of it. NOBODY IS TELLING THE GODDAMNED TRUTH – is what Kelsky exclaims on page 394. Her anger is aimed at the self-delusion of academics, who insist that academia is somehow different from the corporate sector, shielded from competitive pressures, even though it has become, in fact, a highly competitive and tightly squeezed and often unfair profession. The l’art pour l’art and meritocracy mentality in academia still prevails despite all evidence to the contrary: the unwritten rules of academia are that we should be ‘above’ the vulgar drudgery of practical matters such as money. The denial of the material is seen as admirable, as way of life that is, in itself a critique and a rejection of corporate and cultural forces. No, says Kelsky, who calls this the Work of the Mind myth: denying reality when it comes to money and career prospects does the exact opposite: it reinforces those structures, as they stay obscured. So better play the system than deny it.

I agree with her (though with some ambiguity, as a bit of an unworldly flower child myself, but then this is exactly Kelsky’s point), and have come to agree more with her over the years. I have personally experienced what it is like to hit a rough patch (debilitating illness) in academia, and in my situation, as I was on a performance-based grant system, it meant my income stopped from one day to the next. I won’t go into the details, but suffice to say that I know more about precarious living than I would like. It is no joke. Nothing against living dangerously for a bit, but there is an expiration date to the precarious lifestyle. And depending on the academic job market where you live and work, this may well be glossed over for the most part. Academics can often no longer afford to buy into the Work of the Mind myth, in the most literal sense. The system – in many academic job markets – is broken. And so are young academics’ bank accounts.

Taking this seriously, and taking seriously what you can do to improve your chances within the system, or how to improve your chances by leaving the system, is what Kelsky’s book is about. Professionalisation. Oh dirty word, and how we need it!

2. Be Strategic in Building Your CV

Where professionalisation starts is by knowing your job market and preparing for it. Yes, we’re talking building your CV, and being strategic. This goes against the myth of meritocracy in which the ‘best’ scholars will automatically be rewarded with jobs after their PhD. As we all know, with all the counting publications and ticking boxes that goes along with academia these days, this is no longer the case, and Kelsky hammers this point home. I will say this: the most successful PhDs are those who COMBINE high quality work (the work of the mind, and how well you all do it!), with a professional attitude towards presenting their work (this needs some work, probably). Call it being strategic, call it marketing or self-promotion. Call it whatever you want, but the fact is, although academics don’t like to talk about it: you should be doing it. It’s not about being calculating or taking action only instrumentally. It is about being professional. The book covers this in-depth, and it is highly valuable advice.

Some specific advice Kelsky gives here is with regard to getting published. She says waste no time on low-impact work such as edited volumes. I completely agree. Be strategic with your time and effort. Please. Much of this boils down to what is valued in your field, and it is important to figure this out. I’ll add to this by saying that not all academic markets are created equal. To give you a personal example: there is no hope in hell I would have gotten a position in the more quantitative-oriented field of political science after I finished my PhD, based on my non-existent publication record. That said, two scholars in slightly more sheltered fields, independently, urged me to apply for a position with their department/ institute. They said my work had potential and whenever they look for new recruits they value quality over quantity. My health got in the way, but the point here is this: try to find out more about your job market, and the job market in adjacent fields. Be prepared.

3. Be ‘not-Yourself’

Ooooh, I like this one, though there is a lot of room for semantic discussion here… Kelsky argues that being ‘yourself’ is just about the worst advice anyone could give a PhD about to embark on the job market. No, she says – you have got to be a marketable version of yourself. A professional version of yourself. Please, do all of us – and yourself in particular – a favour by not being yourself! To start the semantic discussion: who is more ‘yourself’: the person who shows their insecurities and too many of their personal hang-ups in professional situations (Kelsky’s definition of yourself) or the person who has a more mature and confident presentation, despite feeling the same insecurities (Kelsky’s definition of not-yourself)? To stop the semantic argument: it doesn’t matter what you call it, but bring your more professional self to the job interview! Much advice on this in the book.

(In case you’d like to know my stance on self versus non-self – just to you know, re-start the argument as even former academics do – the more confident person is the ‘truer you’ in my opinion. It is who we are without the nonsense we tell ourselves. And we, women especially, do a lot of making ourselves smaller than we are. I have written about this here. I believe this true, confident self is who should show up at the job interview. This isn’t a mask or a persona, even though something like a job interview is a performance no matter how you put it. But this confident self is who you really are. Your feeling insecure has nothing to do with it.)

4. It’s OK to Quit Academia

Finally, and I love this advice: It’s OK to quit academia. Kelsky gives you permission, and she is so very right. Academia is such an insular setting, and depending on your field, you may be brainwashed into thinking that although there may be life outside of academia, it isn’t worth much! This way of viewing the world is so arrogant I don’t even know where to start. Now of course, you realise I am writing this as someone who works as a coach (the horror), one who left academia, and one who reads self-help books. Can you fall any deeper one asks? Oh yes, you can: she sells (sells!) online courses via the Internet. That include words like productivity. What a life.

But in all seriousness: check your prejudices and those of your peers. A perceived loss of status can be hard on the ego, yet in the end, who cares. It helps to know, though, that leaving academia may hurt (or not), depending on how self-identified you are as an academic and how invested you are in seeing life in academia as the only way. Kelsky shares some personal stories about her transition to being a coach, which involve lying on the couch in the fetal position, and origami (not simultaneously). I truly commend her for including these personal stories, as they show how hard it can be to let go of what we thought was our life, while building a new one that may be, in fact, a much better fit. One that properly pays the bills to boot. As you would expect, she has a lot to say about that too.

You can buy Karen’s book here. It is very good. Do yourself a favour, and invest a few dollars in your future by buying it. Of course, as we’re selling, I have something to offer as well. It is the HappyPhD course. People say it is well worth the money. As always, if you liked this post, could you share it? I appreciate it!